The Start: Being Known by Jesus

 Jesus said, yeah man, you seem cool and all… but you can leave. I don’t know you.

When I first read this in the book of Mathew (Chapter 7), I did not even give it a second thought. I was a new Christian and had been diving deep into the Bible after signing up for a biblical studies associates degree. I have always been an “all-in” kind of guy, so when I became saved, it was hard core study time.  Like much of the scripture I read back then, it was simply head knowledge. I was learning and retaining information. It had not yet moved to my heart and soul, and I certainly could not apply it yet. I had no idea what it meant to “be known.” So, this concept of Jesus telling a man who had lived his life as a “good person” that he could take a hike went in one ear and out of the other.

Let’s pause that for a moment and talk about something that causes many people, particularly men, to live a life of quite desperation. A life that is lonely, disconnected, and full of contempt. I discovered this “truth” after a decade of working in emergency service and then beginning a journey of self-awareness. I began questioning why I did the things I did and how my life had made me the person I had become. I started wanting more. I made one single discovery that changed my entire life. I loved people.

Up to this point, my standard phrase was, “people suck.” I believed it too. It was not worth it to have deep connections with people who just let you down.

There is this thing that happens in a man’s heart, and I suspect women too to a lesser extent maybe, where it becomes a badge of honor to be able to handle tough things and shrug it off. It is a medal of valor to be able to disconnect with people and be your own man. We put up walls. We disassociate with people. We hide ourselves away and pretend that if people knew the monster we were on the inside… they would either be scared… or impressed. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You hide yourself away from the people around you and then because no one “gets you” you develop a version of yourself on the inside that you share with no one. Thus… you are not only unknown… you are actively working to be known less and less.

This truth I uncovered was that we tend to choose to be disconnected as a protective measure. At some point in our life, usually something in our childhood, we develop some type of wound that causes us to hide ourselves away.

For me, this made me a great paramedic. I was able to handle very dark and messy things as if it didn’t really matter. My walls were up. My shield was tall and impenetrable. No one and nothing could get through. I worked very hard to become this way and anything that asked me to lower my defenses was something that got cut out, fast! What did this do to serve me other than protecting me from the harsh realities of death and suffering in the paramedic world? Nothing.

For two decades of my life, this mindset kept me from having close friendships. It kept me from truly connecting with my beautiful wife. It stopped me from understanding how to truly love my children. It caused me to know them… but I was not known by them. I would not allow myself to be. I wanted to be unknown. The monster. The mysterious and disconnected knight. I was a fool.

Jesus said, you can go. I don’t know you dude. Get lost.

I came across this again around the age of 30. At this point, I had been married for ten years and my kids were both five. I had guarded myself from the people who wanted to know me the most.

That chapter in Mathew hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. I had spent most of my life knowing others, but not being known by them. My heart violently turned in my chest and I suddenly could see the meaning I had missed the first time. I was not known. It got worse.

What if I live my entire life chasing Jesus and worshiping God, only to meet him face to face and be told to turn around, about face, get lost?

I was spiritually wrecked by this thought. Could I know Jesus and him not know me? Yes.

Afterall, each of us knows hundreds of people who don’t know us. Celebrities, people on social media, the people we see in our communities every day, but don’t talk to. We know them, but we have no relationship with them.

That’s the new truth to live out. I want to be known. I want my family to deeply understand me with all of my faults. I am not a monster in the closet, hiding away for some future that will never happen. I am a man who wants to deeply connect with the people I love. I want Jesus to know me.

I want Jesus to say, well done. I want to be faithful. I want to serve and find my power there.

This is the journey I am on now. To be fully known. By my family, by my friends, and by Jesus.

I desire to be known by my faith and by my habits. I am a changed man.