Five Reasons Your Church Small Group Is Not Working

Hello!  

When people join a church small group, they often enter with high hopes and expectations. They envision a community of like-minded believers, a safe space for vulnerability, deep connections, and spiritual growth. They hope to find a place where they can be known, supported, and challenged to grow in their faith. However, the reality is that many churches’ small groups fall short of these expectations, leaving individuals feeling disconnected and dissatisfied. 

If you have ever been a part of a church small group that fell short of your expectations, you're not alone. Many individuals have experienced similar challenges. Below, we will explore five common reasons why church small groups may not be working as effectively as they could and what we can do about it.  

Before we dive into five reasons your small groups don’t work as well as they could, let’s set the level with why they are important to begin with.  

A church small group is vital to the life of a community. It creates an environment of authentic community where individuals can form genuine relationships, find support, and experience spiritual growth. Small groups offer opportunities for fellowship, encourage accountability, and provide a safe space for vulnerability. They become a source of care, prayer, and practical support in times of need. Moreover, small groups have a broader impact, empowering members to influence their families, workplaces, and neighborhoods with the love and truth of Christ. In essence, a church small group is the lifeblood that breathes vitality and unity into a community of believers. 

So, we can all agree that being in a small intimate group of like-minded people can be an accelerator for personal and spiritual growth. Hands down, the church small group is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen yourself, your peers, and the Church.  

So why do they fail to meet the mark so often? Here we go!  

As you read, see if you can pick out the common theme between each point.  

Lack of Intentional Connection 

Small groups can sometimes fall into the trap of becoming mere gatherings or social clubs, where participants engage in surface-level conversations without truly connecting on a deeper level. Without intentional efforts to foster connection, the small group experience may become impersonal, leaving members feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. 

What can you do about It? 

Show up with the intention to connect. Forget about yourself and lead with genuine curiosity. Make a goal to really get to know the people in the group by asking great open ended questions about them. Even when it’s time to talk about the bible or a study, lead with curiosity. “Here’s what I learned. What do you guys think about my thought?”  

This keeps the group from simply trading statements and making points and counter points. Instead, it deepens the conversation and peels back the layers of connection and bonding.  

Absence of Vulnerability and Transparency  

Small groups should be a safe space where individuals can open up, share their struggles, doubts, and victories, and be met with empathy and understanding. However, when there is a lack of vulnerability and transparency within the group, it becomes challenging to foster deep connections and provide meaningful support. 

This is so common! We want to be seen, heard, understood, and have support. We want to pour out our concerns and authentic thoughts. We want to be known. But, for one reason or another, we all fight equally to be known and be hidden at the same time. As strange as that is, it is one of the most common reasons people stop attending their small groups. Lack of vulnerability and transparency is contagious. If no one feels the deepness of the connection, typically people will work hard to stay at the surface and not embarrass themselves by going too deep.  

What can you do about it?  

It’s the golden rule of having deep conversation. If you want it, you must create it. If you are looking for vulnerability, authenticity, and real talk about what people are going through, go first. Be the one to share respectfully and gently what you are truly going through and what you truly think. Set the stage for others to do the same by asking great questions once you’re done. Example, “This is what I’ve learned or what I’m going through. What do you guys think? Have any of you dealt with this? Can you help me find the lesson here?” 

Insufficient Focus on Spiritual Growth and Discipleship 

Small groups are meant to be environments where individuals can grow in their faith, deepen their understanding of Scripture, and apply biblical principles to their daily lives. However, when there is a lack of intentional focus on spiritual growth and discipleship, the small group experience can become stagnant and unfulfilling. It’s often a result of one of two things.  

First, the people in the group could have misaligned expectations. Some people jump into a small group to dive super deep into scripture and prayer. Others are more about relationships. For some reason, we don’t set the expectations well at the beginning and get everyone on the same page. Both desires can happen at the same time, but often, a small group focusses more heavily on one over the other and ends up frustrating part of the group.  

The second reason would be lack of knowledge or skill. Perhaps the small group leader is not a theologian and or more realistically put, is not equipped to lead deep dives into scripture and Christian living principles. Maybe that’s why they started the group to begin with! They need it too. This can cause the group to stay at the surface level of content and make people wonder why they did not just stay home and try to read the bible on their own. When the lack of connection and lack of content collide… people stop coming.  

What can you do about it?  

Work on your knowledge, skill, understanding, and desire to dive deep. Find ways to bring people with you. For example, do the work of learning a little bit every day. Don’t simply really on the small group or going to church to have deep biblical conversation. Study on your own and become the person who can dive deeper. Then, bring that to the table. Example, “For this weeks study, I read the chapter and also journaled a bit on the subject. Then I looked up a few articles. Here’s what I learned about the bible, myself, and what I’m changing because of it. What do you guys think?” 

Inadequate Leadership and Facilitation  

Small groups require capable and dedicated leaders who can guide the group's dynamics, foster a nurturing environment, and facilitate meaningful discussions. When leadership is lacking or ineffective, the small group may struggle to fulfill its purpose and meet the needs of its members. 

Facilitation skills are incredibly important for a small group. It’s so common for people to assume that just coming together and sitting in a room is enough to cause growth. It’s not. A great facilitator will pull people into the conversation and make sure that everyone is seen, heard, and known.  

But no one is teaching how to facilitate a church small group with great facilitation tactics!  

What can you do about it?  

Talk about this as a group. Talk about how important it is to have great facilitation and set the expectations for how you guys will interact. You might even look up some things and learn to be great at it yourself. Then, you could share whatever you learn with the leader.  

Another thing you can do is be a great group member for the leader. This will encourage them to do the things that they see you doing and serve you well. You could show up prepared, on time, and ready to jump in right away. You could make sure you are not talking too much, but that you definitely expand on dive deep when it’s your turn to do so. You could ask great questions that lead to more discussion. You could celebrate, appreciate, and acknowledge what others say. These are just a few things you could do to help the leader. If you are the leader… do these things as often as possible in the group.  

Lack of Genuine Participation and Engagement 

For a small group to thrive, it is crucial that all members actively participate and engage in the group's activities and discussions. When there is a lack of genuine participation, the small group may struggle to create an atmosphere of collaboration, shared learning, and mutual support. 

We’ve talked to so many people who have left a group because no one was doing the work. Have you ever shown up to a small group hoping that no one would notice that you did not read the chapter or do the homework??  

People are busy. Life is complex and tiring. However, being in a small group is not only a commitment to yourself, but also a commitment to the entire group to show up big for them. We really drop the ball here a lot. It’s weird actually. Why even show up at all if we are not fully committed to the process of stretching ourselves and doing the work? That is often why people stop showing up.  

What can you do about it?  

Focus on you. Make sure you are showing up the way that you would want others to show up. Engage the way that you want people to engage with you. And when you wrap your mind around that, make this a place to stretch yourself and grow!  

Show up overly prepared. No one needs to hear everything you have studied, but show up that way anyway.  

Show up ready to dive deep and engage the group in conversation by having spent time before the meeting thinking about what you want to talk about and what you want to get out of the meeting.  

In short, show up and be the first to model what you’re looking for.  

Then, talk about how important it is for you to grow, stretch, and use the group to do so. Invite people to help you with that and then sit back and watch as they grow too. But talk about this frequently!  

Let’s wrap this up.  

Did you find the theme?  

The theme is that each reason boils down to something you are in control of. It’s always about how you show up. Not every group will be the best. But, you can get the best out of every group if you show up ready and willing to look for it.  

Two last points. Drop expectations. Drop judgement.  

Go in ready to give.  

Be known.